The other day it happened that I was in the kitchen, one of the common areas of the house, and I heard my mother-in-law's bedroom door open and saw from an angle her body slowly shuffling her way over. It must have been her mode of walking -- groggily, exaggeratedly weak for someone who was the last to wake up in the morning, or her general disheveled appearance of unmanaged hair and clothes from the previous day, that made me want to retreat.
I wondered why, at that moment, I felt the urge to flee. Generally I try to greet her in the morning, prepare her tea, make sure there is breakfast food. For that morning I had baked banana bread. But, for some reason it bothered me suddenly to see her, so listless and enervated, the first thing in the morning. It felt demoralizing, especially with the thought that we would be crossing paths many more times that day.
To retreat, according to Webster is "an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable." My own fleeting destination was my bedroom, my noun form of retreat, or "place of privacy or safety." As I neared the end of the hallway, I paused and stood quietly to assess her location. Our home is over sixty years old and originally built with only 994 square feet. The wooden floor creeks at various spots and I figured she was exactly opposite to the microwave. The entry of the heating button options confirmed this. I really only had to wait it out for a few minutes for her to warm up the meal that I had already prepared for her, and then I would once again have the kitchen area to myself.
As the distinct hum of the microwave continued, I thought of some of our previous clashes together. I then thought about how I had only a few more minutes until my baby would awaken from his nap and how I was wasting time just innanely standing there in front of my bedroom door. And then I considered a lively interview I saw featuring Julianna Margulies on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I rarely watch anything on television, but paused for this former ER star while I was searching for the PBS channel for "Martha Speaks." Julianna won another Screen Actors Guild Award for her performance in "The Good Wife" and created a bit of a hoopla during her acceptance speech by including a thank-you to her in-laws.
That must have been a humbling experience, a veteran actress wearing couture among famous Hollywood stars, showing gratitude to her mother-in-law. And here I was, at the foot of my bedroom door, not even wanting to see mine that morning. Of course, I am quite sure the actress does not live with her in-laws, making the situation quite different from mine. But at that moment in time, I had no feeling of gratitude for my mother-in-law. Was I not forgiving enough? Was I not caring enough? Was I not the type of person I strived to be?
Seconds before the microwave beeped, I quickly made my way back to the kitchen. I stood my ground. I greeted her and asked her how her sleep went the night before. I may not be a glamorous Hollywood actress, but I certainly must try to live in my own home freely, happily, kindly, optimistically. I know deep down inside, I too am thankful for my mother-in-law.
Closest to my hair is your thoughts about living with in-laws – my experience of over 20 years somehow embedded within me the satisfying duty prescribed by Faith and cultural heritage. Now that is passed, I still linger with happy-sad memories – and thoughts of my very own days to come, shadows fear of the unknown. While there is strength, awareness and resourcefulness to equip oneself of the uncertainly must be taken so that there is no reason for obligation endorsed to any family member – unless there is mutual undertakings to benefit both parties.
ReplyDeleteLife comes and goes -everything has a season and a reason. As much as I wanted to be as close to the family, I must remember that each one of us have our own lives to live and we are all entitled to exercise our own wisdom and fulfillment of our own desires.